Monday, July 20, 2015

I'm not allowed to watch TV anymore...

So, I learned something about myself while we were visiting Hammie and Buppa for the 4th of July. I, apparently, am no longer allowed to watch network television. Of all the things! Here at our Mooselandia home, we only have Netflix and YouTube for television viewing - and, of course, DVDs/Blu-Rays - so I've long since fallen out of touch on what is present in standard media anymore.

We were watching America's Got Talent. Okay, fine, whatever, it's background noise, right? So the first few segments of the show go by, nothing to speak of, and then these four college guys get up, and they're going to perform. They've been together as a group something like a month, but hey, they're going to give it a whirl. They call themselves "Vox."  Okay, cool. Makes sense, right? Singers, Vox, cute.

They get up on stage. They're having their intro chatter, and Howie asks them "Why Vox?" I figure this is a valid question, I'm used to knowing weird words people around me don't. So, they answer, "It's Latin for voice."  Here's where I get irate. Howie replies, "So why not just call yourselves Voice?" and "Okay, go show us your voxes. That's Latin for voices." I twitch. Voces is Latin for voices, not voxes-rhymes-with-foxes. On top of that, they didn't use Voice because they liked "Vox" better, because they knew what "Vox" meant, because any number of reasons, but making fun - even if you're a comedian by trade - because these guys are smart? Thanks, but NO. These guys bust out in opera. It was amazing, four part melodies and harmonies, it was absolutely spectacular. Howie now understood why Vox - OPERA, HELLO - and was dumbfounded. I shouted at my mother's television, something to the effect of "Stick that in your smart-shaming, HOWIE!!!" and my mother jumped about a foot in the air, and being familiar with me, just shrugged it off and kept on about her thing.

A couple folks later, we have a woman on who wants to run a kissing clinic. Is this worth a million dollars? Whatever. Anyway, apparently the gist is that the judges who don't want an act to proceed, buzz them. Like the gong show, but with more electronics and a big red X.  So, the people in question are about to kiss, and...  Howard Stern buzzes 'em. Seriously? HOWARD STERN? Ready? He decided it "wasn't appropriate for the audience."  HOWARD STERN is going to lecture people on the public acceptability of behavior? HOWARD STERN is going to buzz this chick because her content is "inappropriate?" Are you kidding me?!? HAVE SOME CONSISTENCY!  I'm shouting at the television again, this time throwing yarn. If you're going to buzz her, at least have the decency to say you don't like her schtick, don't be all "morality police" when you're HOWARD EFFING STERN.  Seriously. Have a sense of internal consistency.

As a result, I'm not allowed to watch regular television anymore. I can't deal with the smart-shaming and the lack of internal consistency, decency, honesty. Apparently, it was good I stopped while I was ahead - The Bachelorette was on next.